this year i...
My guys at Tempus Electric used to share their story with brief little “year in reviews”. I used to love watching it and hear about their wins. So much so, that it inspired me to do my own.
Around this time last year we were getting ready to perform at and host our first concert. Shout out to our performers: Iskren, Ahmed and Andrew, Jagz, MalikNoSleep aka YDN Profit and Trinidad Chad, as well as Boris and all of Dead Sea Submarine.
The whole team made that first event possible; from Ahadu and Nate, to all my Sauga Mandems. It was an honour to see people who create music that I love, to perform it in front of people that I love. This was also the first party I invited my parents too lol.
After the show, Andrew Ahmed and I got away from it all- we took a mini-vacation to Montreal and Iskren spent the next 4 months backpacking in Europe. We loved Montreal and the people we met there. The irony of that trip was crazy – it made me realize how important my home base in Mississauga was- but it also made me realize how dope Montreal is... I might want to move out there, but we’ll get to that later.
We came back from Montreal ready to get to work. Just a week after we returned we went to the Ethiopian Festival at Christie Pits Park. I remember walking around and feeling like I was surrounded by family. The vibes were correct. That same night, we walked over to Lee’s Palace to watch Rose Red Youth perform to what felt like a sold-out crowd. It was crazy inspiring to watch those guys do their thing. I knew they were good- but I didn't know they were THAT good. They would end up surprising me again a couple of months later…
September to December was kind of a blur. We continued building Fragment Radio even though Ahadu was going to school in Oshawa, Ahmed was balancing school in Mississauga and working in Toronto, and I was putting overtime in at Peak Power. As you can imagine though, we got shit done. I also remember working with Jagz. He brought me to my first studio session. The first single arts I worked on were with him. The first artist I helped push, was him, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Over Thanksgiving weekend, Boris and I made a spontaneous trip to Detroit. It was amazing getting to explore that city with my brother and seeing what Jack White was able to do with Third Man Records (alongside his biggest fan) was incredibly inspiring.
December was the most I'd ever worked in my life. Barely sleeping trying to get shit done for the company I was working for. Thankfully, I had Ahmed Andrew and of course Domi with me to make it bearable. It was the first time I was able to get my guys paid, and you have no idea how important that was for me. Also, getting obliterated at the company Christmas party was dope.
Right after New Year’s, Ahmed, Ahadu, Andrew and I decided to see what Ottawa was saying. It was saying nothing. Nothing at all. BUT, it was during that trip that Sidedoor Magazine, a publication I had reached out to almost a full year prior, had got back to me. After taking to Andre over the phone and sending some sample writing- I got my first externally published article. It felt amazing to be able to share that with my family and friends and the support I received made it infinitely better.
Over the next few weeks, I would continue to do my thing for Sidedoor, while also working on Fragment – but something had to give. A few months into the new year, the company that I had been working full time for was getting tough to deal with. It was hard for me to pretend I didn’t want more. I had been talking about leaving for months, but something happened a few days after Iskren had quit the job he had gotten... I walked into work and told them I didn't want to be there anymore. I knew I wanted to get paid to write, but I didn't have anywhere to go. So my boss basically told me I couldn't quit yet. For two weeks, I was in limbo; should I leave not knowing what was on the other side, or should I take the chance? After a wild two weeks, I got an email from HNHH asking me to do an interview. God gave me a well-timed lunch break, granting me one of the best interviews of my life.
The very next day- I had another interview. This time I was conducting it. Sidedoor set me up to speak with Clairmont The Second - arguably the most creative individual in Toronto. It was my first interview and it was AMAZING. It'll be available to read in the next issue of Sidedoor Magazine.
Two days later, on Monday afternoon, I was asked to join HNHH as a staff writer. That evening, I gave 10 days notice – much to the chagrin of my boss. I got a lot of slack for it, but after an awkward 10 days, I left my position as a BIP technician, to be a staff writer for one of the biggest digital hip hop publication in the world.
That same week Fragment Radio produced our first Artist Interview. We spoke to Rose Red Youth about I Miss Summer. One of my favourite projects of the year. Those guys are special man. That was another moment that reminded me about the team and the support I have around me. People want me to win, and I’m grateful for all of them. Shout out to RRY for being patient with me and helping me set everything up as well as editing the audio. Shout out to Iskren for taking time out of his day to pick up equipment for me, and a HUGE shout out to Nate Flip of Vectored Soles for editing the finished product and shout out to EVERYONE who showed love. It still feels surreal to think that we were able to make that happen.
The weeks continued. I was working from home, writing for HNHH, Sidedoor and Fragment- taking care of everything I needed to take care of. But before I could even get comfortable, 3 weeks after leaving my full-time position to write for my "dream job", I was let go. I was told it was due to COVID cuts, and that the last one in, had to be the first one out. It sucked. Really bad. But it gave me time.
After sulking in it for a little bit, I realized the blessings. I would eventually get Trudeau dollars and make almost the equivalent of what I would have made working for HNHH. So I kept working. Harder. Fragment Radio episodes started coming easy to us over Zoom, and something special was happening at Sidedoor. I was getting more Interview opportunities than I could imagine. I was writing all the time. Articles, interview, reviews for Fragment, a bunch of shit. One day, after having too much to drink during an interview, I messaged Iskren and told him I wanted to move to Montreal. In September. As I was on the phone with Iskren, Sidedoor called me and asked me to be their Editor-in-Chief.
Unfortunately though, the year hasn’t been all good. The world was falling apart around us. George Floyd was murdered the same week as Houdini, and there was an overarching cloud for me and probably a lot of other people. Hearts were broken all over the world because of how things were playing out. The world has never been perfect, but many of us were optimistic- until we watched George die. On top of everything going on in the world, my Grandma was getting sick. As good as things were, things were bad. Really bad. For a couple of weeks there, I was low, lower than I had been for a long time. But then something happened. I started telling people how I was feeling, which led to me feeling better. Unfortunately, as I got stronger, my Grandma got weaker. She passed at the beginning of July. We were sad, but we understood. She couldn’t be strong forever. One day you're an angel among us, the next, you're an angel that protects us. That's just how the world works. I had to learn eventually. I guess this was the year.
After a few weeks away from everything, things started to get better. Pain turned into conversation, conversation turned into change, and change became hope. Even after the lowest of lows, we found a new normal. Tough conversations are happening more than they ever have. And then my favourite part – the new normal isn’t enough. We all want more. We all want better.
My writing is the best it's ever been. I'm the most vulnerable I've ever been. I'm the most confident I've ever been. And above all, I'm the most grateful I've ever been. I'm 24 now and blessed to be surrounded by angels. I'm blessed to have the strength to be who I am. And I'm just blessed. Period. Thank you God. For everything.
This next year, we continue to grow. Continue to chase our dreams, and continue to support each other, because we'll never stop. The days will continue to get better, so will the weeks and months, and so will the years. We're on our way.
The Marathon Continues.
24.
Rest In Peace Ammamah.
🕊
Also, I think it’s important to mention I didn’t even begin discussing the W’s people around me have been catching. Everyone has been growing. This is me, but it’s because of you. So, thank you.